Give the Ego a Cookie
In this episode, I talk about a practice I've returned to for thirty years, The Artist's Way, and an exercise that asked me to name the evidence of a dream having already come true. What surfaced surprised me. Not a stage, not a book, but a casual lunch with three women I deeply admire, women I barely know, sitting together in easy conversation as equals.
My first reaction was suspicion. I had just recorded an episode about the shiny objects I'd spent a lifetime chasing, the sense of importance I used to borrow from proximity to people I admired. This felt uncomfortably close to that same old pattern, simply egoic, wanting the lunch to be proof that I mattered. But the more I sat with it, the more I recognized this was something different. It felt less like chasing a feeling from outside myself and more like a picture of where the competence and impact I already carry might one day land.
I decided there's nothing wrong with letting that part of me have its moment. Sometimes it's fine to give the ego a cookie. What matters is knowing I don't need that lunch to feel worthy. I need to feel worthy in order to have that lunch. That distinction is everything.
FULL TRANSCRIPT
The first time I did The Artist's Way was thirty years ago, when the book first came out. I've gone through the entire twelve-week course over and over again, sometimes with groups of people, sometimes by myself, even one time in a long weekend with the author. At the moment, I'm on week eight, and one of the tasks is to list your dreams and visions, and a symbol of the evidence of one of your dreams having come true.
For as long as I can remember, I have had a dream of speaking on stages. No idea about what or why I even had the dream, but it has been a constant. As the focus on the what has become more clear, I can see that the ripple of impact that I dream of having is changing lives in the collective by supporting people in returning to the truth of their essence. In Human Design, I'm a six line, and apparently that means I am meant to be the role model, the storyteller. So it all fits. I certainly have story after story of lived initiations in service to my returning to the truth of who I am and my essence.
So I've been submitting my TED Talk applications, and I look forward to standing on that red dot one day. But what I had listed as evidence of one of those dreams coming true is seeing myself sitting at a very casual, comfortable lunch, having a casual, comfortable discussion with Glennon, Martha, and Liz. Now, the Glennon, Martha, and Liz that I'm talking about are Doyle, Beck, and Gilbert. And while I've only very briefly met Martha and Liz, I certainly don't know them at all.
What disturbed me a little bit about this symbol I received as the evidence of my dream having come true was that it seemed to be perhaps ego related. It seemed to be proof of my belonging. It seemed to be about validation. A couple of weeks ago I had recorded a podcast about what I called shiny objects, about receiving a sense of self-importance as a result of proximity to celebrity, how, for my lifetime, who I had met served as a stand-in for my self-worth. And yet somehow this felt different. They somehow felt like evidence of my arrival at the level of competence and power and impact I know I carry.
I don't doubt that there is some part of the kid part of me that feels like it would feel cool to belong to this group, and I decided that sometimes it's okay to just give the ego a cookie. I don't need that lunch to feel worthy. I need to feel worthy to have that lunch. I finally know now and can feel the difference. I have no idea when or where this is going to happen, but when it does, Glennon and Martha and Liz, I look forward to being your fourth at that lunch.
